9781416205524_p0_v1_s260x420Reviewed by Jennifer Jensen

Do you envy Sookie Stackhouse, Buffy Summers, or Bella Swan for their success with vampire lovers? In her tell-all self help book, Diana Laurence offers sound advice on how to find happiness and eternity with the undead. Within these pages you will find “case studies” documenting real life experiences dating blood-sucking immortals, Diana’s own personal encounters with the undead, and revealing FAQs that will unravel the mysteries behind these ethereal beings.

If you think dating mere mortals is exhausting, just wait until you try dating a vampire. In How to Catch and Keep a Vampire: A Step-By-Step Guide to Loving the Bad and the Beautiful, Laurence weighs the pros and cons of mortal men vs. immortal men. Vampires have had centuries to perfect even the most mundane of tasks. They have mastered the art of singing, dancing, acting, and even cooking. They will thrill and delight you with these skills. Additionally, many bloodsuckers will be able to afford the most extravagant of luxuries to keep you happy. However, immortal men can lose their appeal just as easily as a male with a heartbeat. Diana herself experiences this with Sven. And even though you might be 100% certain of your vampire’s love for you, he is even more likely to commit acts of infidelity.

Laurence is certainly an expert on vampires, but one thing she will not reveal to you is how to end the life of a vampire. If you’ve been burned by your vampire lover, Laurence isn’t the one you should turn to. She focuses more on the truth behind a vampire’s ability to take flight, why vampires are pale, and the conversion from human to vampire.

How to Catch and Keep a Vampire is an entertaining read, but not quite what I had expected. Most TV shows and paranormal fiction novels featuring vampires and the humans obsessed with them never seem to allow their human/vampire couples a happily ever after. In this way, I found the title a bit misleading. By the end of the novel, Laurence seems to suggest that it is nearly impossible to find an eternal partner in a vampire. I think I’ll just stick to dating mortals. They are confusing enough as it is with just a beer addiction. Why step it up a notch trying to date men with blood addictions?

Jennifer graduated from the University of Utah with a BA in English. She occasionally dabbles with her own fiction writing, particularly with the Young Adult and Paranormal genres. She currently resides in Utah with her husband and daughter.