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Category: Relationships

Review: For Men Only by Shaunti & Jeff Feldhahn

[ 3 ] January 21, 2012
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Reviewed by Poppy Johnson

For Men Only is a handy pocket guide into the minds of women. It follows the logic of how women think or behave at various times in their lives. The book shows men how to listen to women, instructs them on what not to say and gives tips on getting along with women in romantic relationships. The book also includes responses from female respondents who explain how they would feel in regard to various relationship issues.

For Men Only is grey-tabbed on the edges of the pages and separated into sections on sex, beauty, listening skills, security, emotion and reassurance. Each chapter has bullet points, examples, call-out quotes, truths about women, exceptions to the rules, quizzes for the reader, definitions and solutions to typical problems presented in relationships. It tells men what not to say in many emotional situations, and explains to men when they are missing the point with the women in their lives.

One section that I thought was incredibly sensitive and handled well was the one relating to the desire levels of men and women. Men’s level of desire is usually higher than women’s but interestingly, the authors point out that men use sex as a relief from the daily grind while women have to pull themselves out of the daily grind (taking care of the family, work obligations), in order to feel ready for being sexually assertive. Because women are typically caretakers in the family, they do have more distractions.

The authors of For Men Only truly see the women’s position in male and female relationships. I’d recommend this book to anyone over 21 years old who wants to know more about relationships in general.

Rating: ★★★★★ 

After a decade of working in several NYC law departments and teaching, Poppy decided she enjoyed writing full-time. She currently works as a freelance writing consultant, and lives with her husband and sons on the East Coast.

Review copy was provided free of any obligation by Multnomah Books. No monetary or any other form of compensation was received.

Review: Shut Up & Dance! by Jamie Rose

[ 2 ] December 17, 2011
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Reviewed by Poppy Johnson

Tango lessons provide a backdrop to the rules of etiquette and other life lessons in Shut Up & Dance! by Jamie Rose. The book highlights life lessons learned in partner dances and shows the reader how to manage relationships – professional, romantic or otherwise.

Rose discusses her personal life and how she has embraced professional dancing as an important part of that life. She uses a glossary of terms, short quotes about the joys of dance, photos and funny stories about her own life to explain the power of dance to the reader. All the while, her childhood with famous show business parents is the true inspiration behind the story. Her parents worked hard but kept the most important priorities in sight: taking care of the family and meeting the needs of their children as best they could.

Rose is very honest through the book; her life lessons start with guiding the reader to self-love, then move to showing the reader how to find her inner goddess. She then goes on to describe how important it is to listen to your own heart, and to practice active listening in your life. Rose admits that she enjoys allowing men to take the lead on the dance floor and in her personal relationships. To this end I agree. If we are not allowing ourselves to live in the moment and enjoy the relationship, we get ahead of ourselves and risk ruining it with over-thinking what every gesture could mean. Dancing and tending to relationships should be instinctual and are best enjoyed when we let nature take its course.

Rose also explains how the best dancers in the world dance with intention. Dancing is an art, but it is also a conversation that one partner has with the other, and which both partners have with the audience. She says that even novice dancers can tap into this magic, if they allow themselves to let go and embrace the dance to its fullest measure. I have taken professional dance classes in the past and I was always amazed by how light on the feet the professional dancers were – it was as if they glided on air! Shut Up & Dance! gives the reader a glimpse into this special world.

Rating: ★★★★★ 

After a decade of working in several NYC law departments and teaching, Poppy decided she enjoyed writing full-time. She currently works as a freelance writing consultant, and lives with her husband and sons on the East Coast.

Review copy was provided free of any obligation by Tarcher. No monetary or any other form of compensation was received.

Review: Meet to Marry by Bari Lyman

[ 2 ] December 14, 2011
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Reviewed by Poppy Johnson

Meet to Marry by Bari Lyman is a guidebook for anyone interested in changing the way he or she thinks about dating and eventually getting married. The Meet to Marry philosophy is one that approaches dating as a precursor to marriage and that encourages the daters to look for a deeper, lasting and more meaningful love while choosing their lifetime partner. Granted, finding a lifetime partner is probably the goal for most daters already, but they may waste valuable time dating around and dating the wrong type of person from the very start.

The steps in the Meet to Marry program are easy to follow. They include becoming your own best friend first, understanding your perfect type of relationship by evaluating your own emotional needs, choosing meaningful conversations with your partner , and creating your own dating plan of action. The book has a helpful Date to Marry Tip pull out, Readiness Quizzes, and a hypothetical question and answer section.

Of course, most people report getting that tingling feeling when they think they’ve met the right person. But it is possible to miss the subtle signs that someone you are dating is the right person if you don’t know what to look for in the first place.

By writing down your expectations and doing the work to find out your true needs and expectations, it is possible to put yourself in the best possible position for finding a more than suitable mate. Lyman even provides a section on how to teach other people to be a match maker for you. Dating is a lot less scary when the rules for success are written in a clear and concise manner, making it easy to understand and follow guidelines.

Most people assume that once they meet the “right” person it is the best time to get married. But it is critical to discuss the issues that are the most important to the couple. The core issues can be difficult to discuss outright, because it can make the couple uncomfortable to bring up these sensitive topics. However, without an agreement or understanding on these core issues in the early stages of the relationship, the couple may be on the road to certain failure.

Meet to Marry offers information on getting through the best and worst of dating times. Lyman gives advice which is appropriate for men and women and hope to anyone currently unattached that the right person is out there.

Rating: 5/5

After a decade of working in several NYC law departments and teaching, Poppy decided she enjoyed writing full-time. She currently works as a freelance writing consultant, and lives with her husband and sons on the East Coast.

Review copy was provided free of any obligation by HCI. No monetary or any other form of compensation was received.

Review: Dignity by Donna Hicks Ph.D

[ 4 ] December 10, 2011
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Rating: +1 (from 1 vote)

Reviewed by Poppy Johnson

Donna Hicks, Ph.D. is an expert on relationships and managing professional conflicts. She develops conflict resolution workshops around the world to show participants how to improve their relationships with each other by becoming more sensitive to the dignity of others.

In her book, Dignity, Hicks describes the essential elements of dignity, which show the readers how to honor it in themselves and in others. She then discusses the ways we inadvertently or intentionally violate the dignity of others. The last section of the book shows how to utilize the power of dignity to manage and improve relationships.

Hicks does an exemplary job of explaining how the concept of preserving dignity in ourselves and others shapes our lives. It is true that we will remember when someone else causes us to feel our dignity has been assaulted. At those times, when we feel the most vulnerable, we are most likely reacting to the response of someone else to us. These “dignity violations” are often at the heart of our conflicts with others. Hicks makes the case that we protect ourselves when we feel threatened, and we tend to lash out at others in an attempt to hurt the other person’s dignity. This never makes us feel better, but if we are not aware of our actions towards others, we can’t change our attitudes going forward.

I agree that it is important to make others feel included, and that validating the efforts of others is necessary for better professional and personal relationships. I also agree that we should take a deep breath before lashing out on someone who has wronged us. The avoidance of conflict preserves dignity on both sides.

Dignity is a good book for anyone interested in fostering positive relationships their professional and personal lives.

Rating: 5/5

After a decade of working in several NYC law departments and teaching, Poppy decided she enjoyed writing full-time. She currently works as a freelance writing consultant, and lives with her husband and sons on the East Coast.

Review copy was provided free of any obligation by Newman Communications. No monetary or any other form of compensation was received.

Review: The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags

[ 5 ] July 6, 2011
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Reviewed by Poppy Johnson

The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags is for any woman in a relationship, out of a relationship, thinking of a new relationship, or reminiscing on a past relationship. The book has all of the answers to dating men and for spotting the flags that signal their fidelity, love, affections and true feelings, or lack thereof.

I could not put The Little Black Book down. Each chapter describes a type of trait or characteristic, such as being immature or a cheater, and offers advice, red flags, testimonials and “WTF” stories of women who have had to deal with the situations first hand.

The book’s authors are three women who definitely know what they are talking about. They write in a style that is at once authoritative and conversational. You do feel as if you are talking to your best friend over a latte. But their advice is spot on and they do not couch their words or hold back in any way – they really tell the truth about when to leave and when to stay.

The point is, most women see the signs before they marry a guy, but choose to ignore them. The Little Black Book gives the women who see early signs of infidelity, insecurity, immaturity or inexcusable behavior permission to get out and find someone who appreciates them for who they are. This book is not only useful, it is also hilarious and I would recommend it to women of any age. Strong language used 100% appropriately for the context of the book (not suitable for teens).

Rating: 5/5

After a decade of working in several NYC law departments and teaching, Poppy decided she enjoyed writing full-time. She currently works as a freelance writing consultant, and lives with her husband and sons on the East Coast.

Review and giveaway copies were provided free of any obligation by FSB Media. No monetary or any other form of compensation was received.

Review: The Ice Cream Theory by Steff Deschenes

[ 7 ] February 5, 2011
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Reviewed by Poppy J.

In The Ice Cream Theory, Steff Deschenes uses ice cream as a theory to rate and categorize the people in her life. Each chapter begins with a famous quote about ice cream, then highlights a different type of ice cream flavor as it relates to Deschenes’ experiences (chocolate chip = Christmas story).

The Ice Cream Theory is full of self-deprecating humor, stories about the author and her friends, and tales from the author’s past. The paragraphs are a bit choppy (some only a sentence long), but the grammar and ideas are whimsical and fresh. Deschenes’ stories about others show so much about her own personality and up beat views on life; the book is not about herself and about herself in all the right ways.

Through her writing, it is easy to glimpse that Deschenes is fascinating, unready to settle down, cares deeply about humanity, and is generally optimistic about life. If you had a party this weekend and this author came to your shindig, I’d guarantee that your bash would be a hit – this author is just that cool!

However, The Ice Cream Theory is also about love – love lost, love gained and complicated love which works for awhile then fades or gets squashed for no reason. The reader will reach the conclusion that the ice cream theories are a way to hide behind hurt feelings when relationships go south, and also a realistic look at being “good enough” when life takes a turn.

I’d recommend The Ice Cream Theory to anyone in love, or anyone who has had their heart broken. Anyone interested in a new perspective on making sense of their life will enjoy reading this book.

Rating: 5/5

After a decade of working in several NYC law departments and teaching, Poppy decided she enjoyed writing full-time. She currently works as a freelance writing consultant, and lives with her husband and sons on the East Coast.

Review copy was provided free of any obligation by Steff Deschenes. No monetary or any other form of compensation was received.

Review & Interview: Family Constellations: A Practical Guide to Uncovering the Origins of Family Conflict by Joy Manne

[ 4 ] May 23, 2010
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Reviewed by Erin N.

Dr. Manné, Buddhist Psychologist, has written a guide detailing the method of therapy created by Bert Hellinger: Family Constellation. This method operates on the premise that all behavior patterns are the result of the families we are born into.  The constellation method claims that each family has an “energy field” and that everyone within it holds a unique position. This position determines our ability to cope with stress, feel happiness, engage in healthy relationships, etc. This energy field that holds all the family members in place is created by the family’s history, thus the actions of previous generations (even if there had been no direct contact) influence an individual’s place in this energy field.  The constellation method helps clients discover their place in the energy field, why they are placed where they are, and how to heal from any damage brought about by it.

Family Constellations provides a great deal of case studies to illustrate how this method works.  Despite the disclaimer at the end of the book stating that “no method can resolve all problems,” Dr. Manné’s book provides details on how the constellation method can be used to help a client deal with death, divorce, war, incest, adoption, as well as other incidents. The Foreword, written by Bert Hellinger, claims that this book was “long-awaited” and that “it is such easy and beautiful reading.” Hellinger goes on to say that this book provides many “hints on how to make our lives and are relationships richer and more fulfilling.” It certainly is very detailed and easy to understand, even to those whose background is not in psychotherapy.

Family Constellations provides a unique view on the causes and solutions to many of life’s problems.


Erin fell in love with the written word as a small child and subsequently spent most of her life happily devouring literature.  She works as a freelance news, marketing, and technical writer.  Erin lives just outside of Cleveland, Ohio with her husband, children, and grandchildren.

Interview with Joy Manne

As you state throughout the book, the “constellation method” was created by Bert Hellinger, a German psychoanalyst. Since Hellinger has written a great deal of literature about this method, what is the purpose of your book?
Manne: Hellinger says in his foreword to my book that it is a long-awaited introduction. Its purpose is to be accessible and it is succeeding. The book, which first came out in French, has become the introduction of choice for French constellators. Hellinger’s books are inspiring and irreplaceable, and they are written for professionals. Many of them are transcriptions and discussions of constellations and their integration done in seminars. My book presents the rules and patterns that govern the family system, allowing readers to understand their own personal position within that system, and thus avoid doing harm to themselves and others in their family and outside it.

Delving into the controversial subjects, you state that the constellation method has revealed that homosexuality is caused by an individual identifying with a family member of the opposite sex. Does this imply that homosexuality can be “cured?

Manne: Homosexuality may be caused by an individual identifying with and trying unconsciously to replace a family member (for example, for a man, his sister or a mother or grandmother who died young and who hasn’t been mourned). Illnesses too are caused through an individual identifying with a family member of the same or of a different sex. Homosexuality is respected. Illnesses are respected.

This is a method that avoids judgments and focuses on the healing that is revealed by truth, when before there has only been pain, and no love. Healing does not mean not being homosexual. Healing does not mean not being ill. Healing comes from seeing and experiencing the underlying dynamic, integrating it and coming to peace with it.

Judgments have no place in constellations. Family Constellations is absolutely not a means of controlling and changing other people.

 

Your PhD is in Buddhist psychology, what exactly is that?
ManneMy PhD is in the Theravada Buddhist texts in Pali, a language related to Sanskrit, and concerns textual issues (philology) and also the psychology (case histories in particular) in these texts. It was awarded by Utrecht University in Holland and has been published as a series of articles. It has no formal title bestowed by the university, so I call it “Buddhist Psychology” to give people an idea of what I studied, what my specialist field is, and what the most important influence in my life is.


You regularly conduct the family constellations in Switzerland and Poland. Do you plan to branch out to other countries? Are there other constellation practitioners available in other countries?
Manne: I love this work, so if I’m invited by reliable organizers I will be pleased to travel to work in other countries. Yes, there are organizations in many countries now. These can easily be found through Google.

This book was provided free of any obligation by North Atlantic Books. No monetary or any other form of compensation was received.

Review & Giveaway: "Glorious" by Bernice L. McFadden

[ 139 ] April 24, 2010
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Reviewed by Vera (Luxury Reading)

Set in the 1920′s-1930′s and shifting between southern and northern states, Glorious explores the lives of African American authors through the eyes of a fictional character, Easter Bartlett.

After a series of family disasters, Easter Bartlett leaves her home in Waycross, Georgia at a young age with no certain destination in mind. As years go by, Easter “flies” through jobs and locations: an assistant to a vaudeville dancer, Rain, in a traveling circus, a teacher in a Church-owned school and so on. Her travels are propelled by betrayals – which are often caused by unscrupulous behavior on her part – that cause her to move on. Through it all, Easter’s constant is her writing and her ability to create beauty on paper at a time when most assumed that ‘colored’ folk were all illiterate.

Following a scandal at a school where she taught, Easter winds up in Harlem on the eve of the Harlem Renaissance. It is in Harlem where Easter’s talent becomes apparent to others, due in part to her writing for a local newspaper. With a rich benefactor, Meredith Tomas, backing her work, Easter seems poised for glory as the rubs elbows with the likes of Langston Hughes; she looks to have a piece of the notoriety awarded others by the Renaissance. But, in a flash, Easter’s world comes tumbling down and the final, irreversible betrayal sends her back to her meager beginnings.

Glorious is a story that needs to be told, one of the terrible inequality experienced by African American authors despite their supposed freedoms. In the betrayal that affects her writing career, Easter has no recourse and no credibility simply because she’s black and her “opponent” is wealthy and white.

At times, I wished that the novel was more fleshed out. I felt that just as I was becoming interested in a particular story line and the surrounding characters, that part of Easter’s life would abruptly end and the story would move on to the next segment. These transitions felt too brief and there was much that was left to the imagination, which some may find to be a positive aspect. However, McFadden does an immense job of incorporating historical figures and events with fictional ones, blending the distinctions to the point where Easter Bartlett feels as real as pianist Fats Waller, or the shipping heiress Nancy Cunard. The speed at which the story moves can be off-putting at times is beneficial at others. I believe that Easter’s life was meant to read as a whirlwind of events, and have a sort of poof-and-its-gone quality to it, and the novel’s brevity definitely contributes to this effect.

Please visit Bernice McFadden’s website for more information on her and her books.

Giveaway:
I have 2 autographed copies of Glorious to give away, courtesy of the author!
Mandatory entry: Please comment on this post with your e-mail address. 

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This giveaway is open to U.S. residents only. Deadline to enter is midnight on May 12th.

Review and giveaway copies were provided free of any obligation by Bernice L. McFadden. No monetary or any other form of compensation was received.

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